The Heart Speaks Louder
by TKR.87
Summary: It's no secret. Everyone says it's a mistake to fall in love with your best friend. But it had happened and her best friend just happened to be straight. Eventual A/O. Rating: M
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or any of its characters.**

**This is going to be a fairly happy story, although because of the nature of SVU, read with caution. This will be an M rating and will eventually (after a long ride) be A/0 and there will be other characters brought into the story, but exactly who at this moment, is undecided. **

**(I have not forgotten my other stories, I just needed to shy away from the Self-Harm topic and this is what my muse decided was needed)**

It's no secret. Everyone says it's a mistake to fall in love with your best friend. That's what all her friends had been telling her, she'd heard it countless of times, the continuous _"It will never work", "You'll only get hurt", "You'll ruin your friendship"_. She'd tried to listen, she'd tried not to let it happen but it had. She'd fallen in love with her best friend, her straight best friend.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Olivia Benson sighed as she closed her eyes for the fifth time that night only to blink them open seconds later. It was no use. She couldn't get Alex out of her head. She had watched movie after movie, eaten the unhealthiest take-out in Manhattan, ran around the block three times, taken a long, and very cold shower and still, she couldn't shake Alexandra Cabot out of her head, her best friend, her very straight best friend.

They'd worked together for a little over two years now, and at the beginning, they'd been merely just colleagues. They hadn't shared a conversation that wasn't work related until Olivia's mother died. Alex had tentatively reached out and offered her shoulder, and a mutual understanding had passed between the women. Then a few weeks later, they'd bumped into each other on a day off, Olivia had entered the tiny little coffee shop at the end of her block and almost knocked the blonde over, from then on, a friendship had been formed. Both women loved each other's company and as time passed, they'd met more often, and shared more with each other than they would normally with any other person.

Olivia wasn't sure when she'd become to think of Alex as her best friend but she'd become more used to sharing and all of a sudden, she found herself being comfortable in turning to the blonde for support. More often than not they would find themselves staying over at the others apartment, laughing, joking, teasing, and both Olivia and Alex valued the friendship greatly.

Except now, Olivia knew her feelings for the blonde went further and deeper than purely friendship.

Alex knew of Olivia's sexual preferences, and it didn't bother her in the slightest. At first, she had been a little shocked at the admission, only because she had never guessed, not that Olivia was easy to read. But she soon realised that it didn't change the brunette in the slightest and they'd continued as if nothing had ever been said.

Olivia groaned as she sat herself up and inhaled deeply. It was no use. She just couldn't sleep. Glancing at the clock, she groaned again as she noticed the time. She'd only been in bed for twenty minutes, and it was barely 10pm.

She wondered whether Alex would be home from her date. She wondered whether they had laughed like she and Alex laughed, whether they had held hands, whether he had kissed her goodnight, or if she'd invited him in for a coffee. She wondered if he was sitting beside her on the comfortable leather couch, how close they were sitting…her mind wandered off on a tangent and she wondered if Alex would ask him to stay. STAY? Olivia gasped and shook her head. It was no use torturing herself with these questions.

Tossing the duvet to the side, Olivia swung her legs around the bed and padded across to the bedroom door.

Olivia was vaguely aware of the pulsing between her legs, but she was trying her best not to concentrate on it. Alex was an incredibly beautiful woman, and Olivia knew had always thought it. Being interested in the same sex, Olivia did notice the occasional woman and Alex was no exception. The first time she had seen the blonde, she had thought she was hot, but she had never mixed work with her personal life and she hadn't really thought about it until they started spending more time together.

When Alex had mentioned this date, Olivia had grown jealous, but she had listened to Alex's concerns, and tried to support the blonde. It wasn't hard. She would always be there for the blonde, without question but her emotions and her feelings were becoming increasingly hard to ignore.

Olivia settled on the couch, her legs pulled underneath her as she closed her eyes and willed her mind to rest. Subconsciously, she found her hand working its way underneath the elastic of her pyjama pants and she almost gasped at the contact. Her finger dipped into the wetness and she groaned. Alex did this to her. Olivia traced her lips and when she reached the little spot of pleasure she bucked her lips and moaned.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Olivia's eyes flew open at the sound. It took her a moment to register that it was the intercom and she blushed as she thought about what she had been doing. Olivia was no stranger to sex, she was no stranger to touching herself either and it certainly wasn't the first time she'd done it thinking about Alex but this was her living room. The door was only centimetres away and anyone passing would have heard.

BUZZ BUZZ

Olivia stood and headed over to the door and lifted the receiver on the wall.

"Hello"

"Liv?"

"Alex, is that you?" Olivia asked furrowing her brows, and blushing again

"Can I come up?"

Olivia pressed the button and took a deep breath. _What could Alex want at this time of night? _She wondered.

Olivia checked her reflection in the mirror and then laughed to herself. Alex didn't care what she looked like, it was after 10pm and she was understandably in her pyjamas.

Olivia jumped at the sound of Alex tapping at her door. Alex never knocked; it was always a gentle tap, like an enquiry, not a demand.

Opening the door, she took in the sight of the blonde before her and felt her heart break. Alex was trembling with the cold, her cheek was bruised and she had been crying.

"What on earth happened?" Olivia asked as she went to pull the blonde into the apartment and berated herself when Alex flinched at the contact.

"Sorry" Alex almost whispered "Did I wake you?"

Olivia shook her head as she closed the door behind the blonde and gently led her over to the couch. "No. Alex, what happened?"

"Daniel"

Olivia nodded, sitting beside the blonde who was still trembling. She reached behind the blonde and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch "Here, you're shivering Lex"

"Thanks" Alex murmured, wrapping the blanket tightly around her shoulders, enveloping herself in it.

"Alex…"

"He hit me, that's all" Alex said firmly "I didn't know where else to go"

Olivia smiled "I'm glad you came here"

"He didn't rape me Olivia"

Olivia nodded as she tentatively touched the blonde's shoulder "Alex, what did he do?"

Alex swallowed and shook her head "I don't want to talk about it Olivia, not now. I know I have to. I know that, but I just…can I stay?"

Olivia nodded "I'll just go remake the bed"

Alex shook her head "I'll be fine on the couch Liv. I just want to go to sleep"

Olivia nodded as she stood "I'll get you some pillows and a duvet"

She left Alex sitting on the couch as she headed into her bedroom. She felt her eyes well with tears as she thought of the woman sitting in the other room, she wanted to know what had happened, she wanted to find this Daniel and give him what he deserved but she knew that being angry wouldn't help Alex, the blonde needed support. She needed a friend.

Olivia collected the things she needed, two pillows and a duvet as well as an extra blanket in case the blonde got cold in the night. She headed back into the living room but stopped just shy of the doorway as she heard the unmistakable sound of Alex crying. She didn't want to intrude on this moment, she knew that like herself, Alex hated showing any signs of vulnerability and she hated people seeing her cry but Olivia wanted to comfort the blonde, she wanted to hold her and let her know she was there.

"Lex?" she said quietly, not wanting to startle the woman but needn't have worried as Alex lifted her head and looked at the brunette, tears streaming down her face. She didn't bother to wipe them away and Olivia knew that this was Alex opening herself up, allowing herself to be seen in this emotional state.

Olivia approached the blonde, placing the items on the edge of the couch and sat down, opening her arms with a small smile.

Alex gave a grateful smile and buried herself in the brunette's embrace. Olivia rubbed soothing circles along the slight woman's back with her right hand while she used the other hand to brush her hair away from her face. No words were said and the only sound was Alex's gentle sniffling and the ticking clock on the wall.

After a short time, Alex pulled back slightly and whispered "Thank you"

Olivia gave the blonde a small smile "Nothing to thank me for Alex, You'd do the same for me"

Alex nodded before falling silent and staring at her lap. She didn't know what to say, she wanted to tell Olivia what had happened but she was tired and just wanted to sleep, although she didn't really want to be on her own.

Olivia watched the blonde fiddle with the hem of her dress. She was wearing a pale blue dress, and a thin beige cardigan teemed with beige heels and Olivia thought she looked beautiful. She had to shake the thought from her head, and it was replaced with anger at Daniel. This man had hurt Alex, and Olivia wanted to know what he'd done.

"Alex, I know you probably don't want to go through it and I hate asking, but we both know that until you do, you're not going to sleep and it's just going to fester"

Alex squeezed her eyes shut and sighed heavily "Liv, I'm tired"

"I know sweetie" Olivia said gently "And you can sleep as soon as we finish"

Alex swallowed before she gasped, her emotions causing her to choke on the air and she sent herself into a coughing fit. Olivia pulled the blonde into her arms, and rubbed her back as she spoke "Take a deep breath Alex, I'm just going to get you some water"

Olivia headed into the kitchen quickly grabbing bottled water from the fridge and unscrewing the cap and pouring a little into a glass before returning to the still coughing blonde. "Here, Lex. Sip a little of this"

The blonde took the glass with shaky hands and Olivia covered them with her own, guiding the cup to Alex's lips. Alex took a couple of sips before pulling it down and letting Olivia take it from her. "Thanks"

Olivia smiled and waited for Alex to speak.

"It was a really nice night Liv. We had dinner in this lovely little Indian place, and we talked, it was going really well until we left. We had to walk through this little alleyway and when we were almost half the way through, he stopped and said my name. I turned and he just went to kiss me. It was nice, you know until he started touching me under my dress"

Olivia listened, her insides clenching as Alex explained what Daniel had done.

"I pushed his hand away and said "No" but he tried again. I kicked him in his groin and he stumbled back before slapping me. I just ran"

"He sexually assaulted you Alex"

Alex nodded as a tear slid down her cheek, and Olivia offered her arms to the blonde. Alex shook her head and lay back on the couch "I just want to sleep"

Olivia nodded and stood but felt a hand on her wrist.

"Don't go"

Olivia furrowed her brows as she turned and looked at Alex.

"I don't want to be on my own"

Olivia felt her heart break at the admission. Alex had never looked and sounded so vulnerable and Olivia just wanted to make her feel better. She offered her hand to the blonde "You want to sleep in my bed?"

Alex nodded "Can you hold me?"

Olivia smiled and nodded as she pulled the blonde into her arms and led them into the bedroom. The whole scenario felt intimate to Olivia and she had to control her racing heart. She was aware of the sweaty palms and the returning pulsing in her lower regions and took a deep breath, willing herself to relax and calm down.

Alex used the bathroom fast, and Olivia followed. When she returned, Alex was nestled under the covers, gripping the duvet as if her life depended on it. Olivia switched off the light and climbed in beside the blonde. She felt Alex shift closer to her and pulled the blonde closer. Alex rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and closed her eyes "Thank you"

Olivia smiled but didn't respond verbally, instead she lowered her head and kissed the blonde's forehead "Night Alex"

"Night Olivia"

Alex fell asleep almost straight away but Olivia was too aware of the blonde in her arms, in her bed, breathing air onto her chest. She was aware of everything. The perfume Alex was wearing, the smell of Alex's shampoo and the smooth skin underneath her hand. It was all too much for Olivia and she wasn't sure what to make of it. It wasn't the first time they had shared a bed but the last time they were both drunk and ended up just passing out as soon as their heads hit the pillow, this was different.

She had fallen hard, for her best friend, someone she cared for greatly, who she never wanted to hurt. She had fallen in love with the woman in her arms, the woman who had just been sexually assaulted, the woman who needed her, as a friend.

**As always let me know what you think...:) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews on this so far...keep them coming. I really appreciate your support, and ideas, so please share and let me know what you think. **

Chapter Two

Olivia opened her eyes as her alarm blasted into life beside the bed, she sighed and closed them again wishing that she could just have a little longer in bed. It had taken her a long time to drift off and she knew she hadn't slept peacefully. She furrowed her brows and opened her eyes again, turning her head to the space beside her as she realised that Alex was no longer in the bed. She checked the time, noting that it was in fact 5.30am and sat up slightly panicked.

She climbed from the bed, listening for any sign of movement and relaxed slightly when she heard footsteps in the living room. Peeking her head out of the bedroom she furrowed her brows in confusion at the sight of Alex, fully dressed in the clothes she had been wearing the previous evening and about to leave.

"Alex?"

Alex stopped and lowered her hand from its grasp on the handle. She didn't attempt to turn around nor did she answer the brunette.

"Alex, where are you going?"

"Home" the blonde replied, still not turning around "I need to shower and change, we've both got work"

"Lex, turn around honey"

"I've got to go"

Olivia took a few steps towards the blonde who had yet to move from the door, either forward or backward and Olivia didn't want to her to bolt. She knew that Alex was probably ashamed, embarrassed and just wanted to be alone but Olivia didn't want her to go, and she wanted Alex to know that she didn't have to worry.

"Alex, you can shower here and borrow some of my sweats and I'll drive you home to change"

"Liv…"

Olivia was now standing a few steps behind the blonde, and reached out to touch the blonde's shoulder tentatively. Alex tensed but turned around at the touch. Olivia gave the blonde a small smile as she noticed unshed tears brimming in Alex's bright blue eyes.

"Oh Lex" she whispered pulling the woman into her arms, breaking the rest of the blonde's resolve as Alex sobbed loudly. This was different to last night, this was raw emotion, heavy and unsheltered and her whole body shook as she cried.

Olivia quietly led the blonde over to the couch, sitting beside her and cradling the taller yet smaller woman in her arms.

After what seemed like ages, Alex sniffled and pulled away, turning her head in the opposite direction as she wiped her cheeks. "I'm sorry"

"You have nothing to be sorry for Alex"

"I don't get it Liv. It wasn't even that bad, he only groped me, it's not like he would have gone any further. He'd been drinking, he didn't mean it"

Olivia sighed inwardly "Alex, you know that's not true. Alcohol doesn't excuse what he did Alex. The fact that he'd been drinking probably gave you the chance to get away. What he did Alex was wrong, you know that and you have every right to be shaken up, to be upset, it's a normal reaction to what happened"

Alex didn't respond and Olivia didn't force the issue. She didn't want to upset Alex even further, although she hated the fact that Alex was trying to brush it under the rug even if she was in denial due to shock and stress.

"How about you take a shower and I'll find you some clothes to put on, I'll make coffee and some toast and then while you're eating, I'll hop in after?"

Alex nodded, giving the brunette a small smile before standing up and heading over to the bathroom. She had stayed over enough times to know where everything was kept and she was grateful she didn't need to ask for anything.

Olivia watched the blonde enter the bathroom and found out a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt that Alex had borrowed once before. She didn't know what to do about the blonde's underwear as what she owned would probably be too big for the slight woman.

Olivia knocked gingerly on the bathroom door and pushed it open a little way. "Alex, I'll just leave the clothes on the stool by the door"

"Thanks" Alex answered over the sound of running water and Olivia had to resist the temptation to glance in the direction of the shower.

Closing the door, and retreating to the kitchen, Olivia closed her eyes to steady herself. She was feeling so many emotions, she hated that Alex had been hurt and she hated seeing her best friend so upset but at the same time, having Alex over like this was playing havoc with her heart and body.

Alex managed to shower and dress without much trouble, only shedding a few tears when she caught sight of her reflection and the now purple bruise on her cheek. _"I'll have to cover that up when I get home"_ she thought to herself as she wiped the tear that had fallen

When Alex entered the kitchen she laughed genuinely at the sight before her. Olivia, still clad in her pyjamas was swaying her hips as she buttered the toast, while music played on the portable radio beside her. She turned at the sound and smiled. "Caught me"

Alex grinned "That I did"

Olivia laughed, picking up the plate and setting it down on the table "Sit. Drink, and eat"

"Yes Miss"

Olivia shook her head, pleased to see the playful side of Alex. It was a rare sight to see but Olivia loved it, and the first time Alex had acted in this manner, she had been a little shocked that the normally stoic blonde had been able to let go and relax. Now it had become something that was Alex, and something Olivia loved to see.

"Don't disappear on me" Olivia warned, before smiling and heading into her bedroom.

Twenty Five minutes later, she emerged pleased to see that Alex was still there and observed the blonde deep in thought while completing the crossword in yesterday's paper.

"Need some help there?" Olivia asked after a couple of minutes causing Alex to jump, and then shake her head

"Jesus Liv. You nearly gave me a heart attack, don't do that"

Olivia laughed as she approached the blonde "Sorry, I was just watching you think so hard"

"Creepy" Alex replied as she stood, folding the paper over as she did so.

Olivia blushed, turning as she did so, not wanting Alex to notice before regaining her composure and picking up her purse "Shall we get going?"

Alex nodded as she grabbed her belongings and the two of them exited the apartment.

* * *

"You really don't have to wait Olivia" Alex said for the third time as they made their way to Alex's apartment in the elevator.

Olivia didn't respond, and when the doors opened she waited for Alex to exit before she followed.

"I won't be a minute" Alex said as she unlocked the door, turning to face the brunette "Seeing as you insist on waiting"

"What's the point of me bringing you here, leaving and then you taking your car five minutes later when we might as well go together? Or have you forgotten our plans to go to see that new movie that you wanted to see?"

"Shit" Alex muttered "I'd forgotten"

Olivia smiled as she took a seat on the couch "It's understandable. If you really don't want to then you could just come to mine for a few hours if you'd prefer"

"No, the movie sounds good" Alex replied as she headed down the hall into her bedroom.

Olivia leant back on the couch and sighed, she was tired and hoped that today wouldn't be hectic, she just wanted to sit at her desk and let the day pass by but as she closed her eyes, her cell began to vibrate.

Taking the call, she headed over to the window and looked out into the city. She always loved that Alex had an apartment so close to the park, and even though it was early winter, she loved how everything looked, even knowing the dangers that lurked around each corner.

She slammed her cell down in annoyance, causing Alex to raise her brows as she entered the room "Bad news?"

"Elliot called, we caught a case"

Alex nodded as she observed the woman in her living room "You look tired Liv"

Olivia nodded, running a hand through her hair "I'm sorry. It seems I won't be able to give you a lift after all"

Alex shook her head "Don't worry about it Olivia"

Olivia nodded as she returned her cell to her pocket and sighed "Call if you need me, I'll see you later?"

Alex nodded as she approached Olivia, and gave the brunette a hug "I'm sorry I disturbed you last night Liv but thank you"

Olivia shook her head "You didn't. Alex, I'm glad you came to me. I'm your friend, that's what I'm there for, stop apologising"

* * *

Olivia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. Alex had just text to say she was running a little late and Olivia really wanted to go home. While she had been looking forward to seeing the movie with Alex, she was still really tired and had hoped the blonde would cancel or suggest a night in instead.

Olivia was also struggling with her feelings for the blonde and what had happened, she had wanted to pursue Daniel for the sexual assault but Alex had insisted that it be left alone, she just wanted to move on. She was also finding it hard to be around Alex without saying or doing something that might make them both uncomfortable. She had been aware of the flirting between them, although it wasn't something completely new, she knew that it was innocent, at least on Alex's part.

Trying to concentrate on the DD5 lying on her desk, Olivia closed her eyes and forced Alex from her mind.

Nearly an hour later, Alex rushed into the squad room, smiling as she spotted Olivia, hunched over her desk, obviously asleep.

"Liv" she whispered, not wanting to startle the older woman, knowing that Olivia's cop instinct would kick in "Olivia? Wake up Hun"

Olivia bolted upright, and smiled when she realised it was Alex and she had in fact fallen asleep at her desk "Sorry"

Alex gave the brunette a wide smile, embracing her as she stood "Sorry I ran so late. You're tired, should we skip the movie tonight?"

Olivia didn't know what to say, she didn't want to upset the blonde but she was really tired and knew that she would be out like a light as soon as her head hit the pillow "Uh…"

"Olivia, I really don't mind. You are obviously tired, and I'd much prefer company at the cinema with someone who is awake, not asleep" Alex said chuckling "How about you come stay at mine tonight? We can watch a movie on the couch, or you can sleep and then tomorrow, we'll go to the cinema, if you feel up to it"

Olivia nodded "You really don't mind?"

"Course not. Come on, we'll take my car. I don't want you driving tired"

Olivia fell asleep on the way to the blonde's apartment, much to Alex's humour although the blonde was aware that Olivia's tiredness had partly been caused by her arrival late the previous night. She hadn't thought about Olivia when she had turned up, she had just needed someone and it was Olivia who she wanted.

Alex didn't want to wake Olivia again but she wasn't strong enough to help the brunette inside without waking her "Olivia, we're here"

Olivia stirred and muttered something unintelligible before she opened her eyes "What?"

"We're here" Alex chuckled as she climbed from her car and walked around to the passenger side to offer her hand to Olivia.

"How chivalrous" Olivia smirked as she allowed Alex to help her from the car

"You won't always get this treatment, Benson"

Olivia pouted and tilted her head, causing Alex to laugh as she turned and walked into her apartment, leaving Olivia on the pavement. It took her a moment to gather herself and she followed the blonde, blushing furiously.

Once Alex had let them into her apartment, she found a pillow and a pair of pyjamas that Olivia had left a couple of months ago "Liv, I still had these"

Olivia thanked the blonde, before heading into the bathroom to change. Alex decided to cook a light dinner, pasta and meatballs and began preparing while the brunette changed.

When Olivia emerged, Alex was placing the meatballs into the saucepan and stirring the pasta.

"Something smells delicious"

"Thanks, I had a shower this morning"

Olivia laughed and shook her head "I was talking about the food, but I guess you're not bad smelling either"

Alex laughed and continued to stir the pasta "You could open a bottle of wine if you wanted Liv, although I don't want you to fall asleep in your dinner"

Olivia chuckled as she opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of white wine before fishing two glasses out of the dishwasher "I think I can manage a small one"

Olivia stood watching Alex cook, and began to wonder what it would be like if she and Alex were a couple, she could really see them sharing the kitchen, cooking, and cleaning, and cuddling on the couch, she imagined what it would be like to come home to Alex and share a bed with her and make love to her. She didn't notice the blonde watching out the corner of her eye, and she wasn't aware of the dreamy smile that she was wearing on her face, that had intrigued Alex greatly.


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologise for the time it took to get this chapter done but it's been a hectic few weeks at work and my mind has been elsewhere lately. **

**I know exactly what it's like to be in love with your best friend and knowing they are 100% straight. I confessed to her this week and things have been a little weird between us since, and I'm finding it hard to deal with. **

**Anyway, here is chapter 3. Shorter than the previous two but hopefully I can get another chapter out this week as am off of work. **

Chapter Three

Olivia hadn't intended on avoiding the blonde but after the night when they'd gone to the cinema, Olivia found her thoughts about Alex intensifying and she was well aware that it was compromising her work. They'd spent the evening laughing and joking and there had been some light flirting from both women that had frightened Olivia, she had been shocked at how easy it had been and how much she had enjoyed it.

It was now Friday evening and the brunette hadn't spoken to Alex since Wednesday morning. Granted she had been busy with work but usually she would offer to take evidence to the blonde, or find a reason to text or call or meet for lunch. Alex had text a few times but Olivia hadn't replied, she was too scared of admitting her feelings.

As the brunette made herself a coffee, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket before the shrill of her ringtone began.

Her heart skipped a beat as the smiling face of Alex adorned the screen, she remembered the photo being taken and smiled. They'd spent the day at the zoo and Olivia had brought the blonde a monkey soft toy, it was wearing a yellow shirt with the words "Bananas About You" on it and holding a half peeled banana in its hand. Alex had squealed with delight and Olivia had taken the opportunity to snap a photo.

Her mind was brought back to the present as her cell stopped ringing and then started seconds later

"Alex" she answered

"Finally, I was starting to the think you were ignoring me"

"N-n-no, I-I wasn't. I've been uh, busy" Olivia managed to answer, berating herself for sounding so obviously fake

"Did you break up with whoever you were seeing?"

"I've not been seeing anyone" Olivia replied furrowing her brows, wondering what could have given Alex this impression

"Then what the hell is going on Olivia?"

"Nothing. Alex, I've got to go"

Olivia ended the call as tears began to form in her eyes and before she knew it, they were cascading along her cheeks. She knew she was being ridiculous, she knew she shouldn't be treating the blonde like this but she was scared that Alex would freak if she told the truth and she didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Discarding the coffee she had been about to make, Olivia wiped her eyes and headed into the living room where she fell into the couch, curling her legs underneath herself and closed her eyes. She was tired, emotionally and physically. She knew that another caffeine filled drink would not help her thoughts any.

* * *

Olivia opened her eyes, squinting into the dark of her apartment, she rubbed the back of her neck which felt stiff and realised she must have fallen asleep. She furrowed her brows as she heard a BUZZ sound and groaned as she stood.

Lifting the receiver, she ran a hand through her hair "Hello"

"Can I come up?"

"Alex…"

"Please?"

Olivia groaned as she pressed the button, allowing the blonde entrance and took a deep breath. She wasn't ready for this; she didn't need the questions that she knew she'd have to answer.

She didn't get a minute to comprehend or compose herself and before long she heard the unmistakable tap on the door.

As she opened it, she was met with a sight to behold. Alex was dressed in tight jeans and a beige sweater, her blonde hair tied into a ponytail and not a touch of make up on her face. Her glasses were dangling from her hand, her cell and keys in the other.

"Are you going to let me in?"

Olivia blinked and nodded dumbly, before stepping aside. Alex raised her brows but remained silent as she passed the brunette. Olivia blinked again, shook her head and blushed before heading into the kitchen, avoiding looking anywhere near Alex "Do you want a coffee?"

"I'm fine" Alex replied from the doorway

"Are you hungry?"

"No"

"I have some snacks if you want some" Olivia continued

"Olivia, I just want to talk"

"Oh" Olivia stopped moving, but refused to turn around, she could hear the blonde's movements behind her and tensed involuntarily "Lex"

"What's going on?" the blonde asked gently

Olivia shook her head before darting out of the kitchen "Alex, go home"

Alex stood dumbfounded, and before she knew what she was doing exploded "How dare you Olivia? You're the one ignoring me, and now you're telling me to go! I don't know what the hell is going on with you, and I sure as hell don't like it. I thought we were friends, Liv. You're my best friend…"

"Friends" Olivia whispered before she opened the door "Just go"

Alex was angry, but she was worried, concerned and scared. She had never seen Olivia like this and they'd never argued, not personally anyway. Of course, they disagreed and work threw them a few curveballs but they managed not to let it affect their friendship. Now, Alex had no idea what was happening.

"Okay" she whispered as she glanced at the brunette before leaving the apartment. She heard the door slam behind her and let the tears fall. She didn't know what she had done to upset Olivia but she'd fix it, she had to, they were best friends.

* * *

It was 2.14pm; the second hand seemed to tick loudly as Olivia sobbed into the couch. She hadn't heard from Alex since the previous evening and she was feeling dreadful for the way she had treated the blonde but she couldn't control her emotions, her thoughts, feelings, and the way her body was acting. She knew it was wrong but after Alex had left, after she'd kicked her out, she'd showered, bringing herself to orgasm under the spray, the blonde's naked body the image her mind had conjured. She'd then cried herself to sleep and slept until midday.

The next thing she heard was a loud rasping on the door and a voice "Delivery for Miss Benson"

Olivia furrowed her brows, before wiping her eyes, checking her reflection and peeping through the spy hole. She gasped at the sight and pulled open the door, a generally plain young man stood holding the biggest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen. She smiled as she took them from the gentleman and inhaled the scent.

She noticed a small card tucked between the stems and immediately recognised Alex's writing. Thanking the delivery man, she closed the door and set the flowers upon the table inside the doorway. She lifted the card, and pulled it out, turning it over to see the words "I'm sorry"

Olivia's heart broke as she began to cry once again. Alex was such an incredibly sweet woman, and she was apologising when she had done nothing wrong, Olivia hated that she had hurt the blonde and hated that Alex was probably trying to figure out what she had done but knew that the blonde would think it her fault.

Olivia didn't want to hurt Alex anymore than she had already but didn't know if she could keep her feelings to herself any longer. Every moment she was around the blonde, all she wanted to do was confess, and take the beautiful woman in her arms and it hurt too much to ignore it.

Making a decision, Olivia grabbed her keys and cell and dashed out of her apartment and to her waiting car.

It seemed to take forever to get to the blonde's apartment even though Olivia was sure she had broken the speed limit and narrowly avoided a collision. As she stood outside the blonde door, she took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart and keep the tears at bay. She knocked on the door and held her breath.

When Alex appeared Olivia's resolve crumbled as the tears escaped her eyelids as she screwed them shut

"Liv"

Olivia lifted her head at the sound, the blonde's voice quiet and tentative but obviously raw from crying.

"Hi"

Alex gave a small smile as she reached for the brunette's hand "You want to come in?"

Olivia nodded as she sniffed and wiped her cheeks, before following the blonde inside and closing the door behind her "Thanks for the flowers"

Alex nodded, giving the brunette another small smile before sitting down on the couch "What's going on Olivia? What did I do wrong?"

Olivia shook her head as she sat beside the blonde, more tears gathering as she saw how much she had hurt Alex "Nothing Lex. You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one apologising. Alex, I'm so sorry for everything"

"You were ignoring me and then you pushed me away, you chucked me out of your apartment"

Olivia nodded as the tears started falling again "I…know"

Alex leant forward and wiped the brunette's tears with her thumbs "Don't cry Liv. Talk to me, please"

Olivia shook her head, now she was sitting here, she had lost her nerve and she didn't want to hear the rejection she knew would come. "Can we just forget it?"

Alex shook her head "I need to know"

"No. Alex, please. I can't…"

"Did something happen?" Alex asked quietly, almost sounding afraid "Did someone hurt you?"

Olivia gasped and shook her head "No"

"Liv…"

"I promise Alex, it's nothing like that. I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Alex nodded sadly, before reaching forward and hugging the brunette who tensed immediately. Alex pulled back, her eyes sad and worried before giving Olivia a small smile "You want to stay for dinner?"

Olivia nodded, smiling for the first time since arriving at the blonde's apartment "Thank you"

* * *

Dinner was spent catching up on what had been happening in each other's lives and when the food had been consumed, Alex suggested they watch a movie and relax.

Olivia made sure she was sitting at the opposite end of the couch and when Alex shifted closer to her, she had tensed and shifted away. The blonde had noticed the change in Olivia and was concerned.

"Liv"

"Yeah"

"Can we snuggle like we usually do?"

"Uh…" Olivia didn't know what to say, she knew refusing would cause Alex to question her yet she didn't want to get too close, for fear of revealing her feelings "Ok"

Olivia tensed when Alex leant against her, and bit her lip from moaning as the blonde shifted, rubbing her back against Olivia's right breast, causing her nipple to stiffen before composing herself and allowing Alex to get comfortable.

The whole movie, Olivia had to fight her arousal and her emotions, she could feel herself welling up as she tried to concentrate on the movie while Alex lay against her and as Alex snuggled closer the damn broke.

Alex turned at the sudden noise and became alarmed to see the brunette with tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried to muffle her sobs behind her hand

"Olivia?"

Olivia shook her head and tried to move but Alex had held her firmly in place, worry evident in her eyes.

"Liv…oh honey. It's okay, whatever it is, it's okay" Alex tried to soothe but she felt helpless, not knowing what had caused the brunette's sudden breakdown and her mind flew through various scenarios and reasons for her best friends behaviour over the past week. Her previous thought was that Olivia had broken up with the person she had been seeing but Olivia had denied that she had been seeing anyone and now Alex was confused and more worried than before.

"I love you" Olivia said as she began to calm and then sobbed louder when Alex smiled and replied

"I know"

Alex was completely out of her depth and she didn't know what to do. She pulled the woman against herself, feeling Olivia tense before she convulsed into loud sobs, her body trembling with the force.

"I…I love…you…in a really big way" Olivia said through her tears "And it's killing…me"

Alex gasped as she realised what Olivia was saying and jumped from the couch, staring wide eyed at the sobbing woman "Oh my god" she whispered before she darted into her bedroom in shock.

Olivia sobbed louder as she buried her head in her hands, knowing things would never be the same between them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about not updating in a while. It's been really hectic with work and I know that's not really an excuse when you've been wainting. I hate letting people down but I promise that I won't leave a story unfinished. Updates may be few and far between but they will be there. I only have two weeks left at work and then some time off so hopefully writing will be easier. Plus, there is a lot of drama at home with family rifts. **

**This story is a little tough to write, mainly because I am in love with my best friend and she's straight so...go figure. **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry it's shortish. **

Chapter 4

Alex sat at the end of her bed, trying to calm her racing heart. Olivia's words had hit her hard and she wasn't sure how she was meant to react. She had known of Olivia's sexual preference but it had never worried her, she had no reason to think that Olivia would ever develop feelings for her.

She could still hear the brunette sobbing in the living room, and it was tearing her up inside. She hated hearing Olivia cry but she didn't know how to comfort the woman, after finding out that she had deeper feelings for her than friendship.

Alex sighed as she stood, she had questions and she didn't want to lose her best friend over this, she hoped that Olivia opening up would relieve some of the pressure but she was uncertain that they could ever retain their closeness without it being awkward.

Olivia looked up as she heard Alex return, trying to compose herself, she was hesitant to make eye contact with the blonde and Alex seemed to be trying not to look at her either.

"I'll go" Olivia said, readying herself to leave

Alex shook her head as she sighed and made her way over the couch "No, don't go"

"Al…"

"I didn't mean to run out like that but it was, it is a bit of a shock. I…Olivia, I'm not gay and I…uh, you're like a sister to me. I don't…I love you but not like that" Alex managed shakily as she sat down, she didn't want to upset Olivia but she had always been honest with the brunette and that wasn't about to change.

Olivia nodded as she wiped away a few tears that had fallen since Alex had returned "I know"

"This isn't going to change anything between us, is it?" Alex asked

"I don't know" Olivia whispers "I think, maybe we need a little time apart"

"We work together Liv, how is that going to work?" Alex asks uncertainly

"I might transfer out for a bit, it probably would do me some good anyway"

Alex shakes her head as she stands, pacing before the brunette "No, Liv…SVU is where you belong. I should transfer out"

"Why? I'm the problem here"

The blonde stops and kneels in front of the brunette who is crying again "No. Olivia, you are never a problem. I reacted out of surprise, shock even and maybe it was wrong of me to run out but you are still my best friend, you'll always be my best friend"

Olivia stands abruptly, avoiding the blonde's eyes "I can't do this Alex. I can't be around you when I feel so…god, you're amazing and beautiful and…I have to go"

"Will you text me sometime?" Alex asks sadly as she follows Olivia to the door

"Give me a few days Al. I don't want to lose you but…"

Alex nods as Olivia exits the apartment. She feels bad for her reaction, but she is still shocked at the revelation and confused about everything.

* * *

Olivia sighs, she hadn't spoken to Alex for 2 days but now she was ready to see whether they could be friends without her feelings ruining what they had. As much as she loved Alex, she didn't want to lose their friendship, it was important to her.

As she steps off the elevator, her heart begins to beat rapidly, her hands feel sweaty and she's certain she's going to vomit. Shaking her head, she turns around but stops when she hears a certain blonde calling her name

"Liv!"

Sighing she turns and her eyes go wide as she sees Alex leaning against her office door, coffee cup in hand, glasses swinging from the other hand, and a wide smile on her face and dresses in a knee length grey dress

"Hi…Uh Alex"

Alex furrows her brows before she pushes open her office door "Were you coming to see me?"

"Yeah, no, um…I mean, I suppose"

The blonde chuckles but seeing Olivia's cheeks blush she forces herself to stop before giving a small smile "Come on Liv…"

"Alex"

"I thought we weren't going to let this affect our friendship?" the blonde asks but is quickly cut off my the brunette

"Shh Alex"

"Sorry. Let's talk, please"

"Alex"

"No, Liv. You don't want me discussing your feelings for me in front of an audience so I'm trying to do it in private. Can we at least try and work this out, please?"

Olivia nods, seeing the downcast expression that had crossed Alex's face. She really doesn't want to lose their friendship but the way her body reacted to the thought of seeing Alex and then what went through her mind when she saw her made her realise that things weren't going to be easy.

* * *

"Hey" Alex says forcing Olivia to lift her head as she sits opposite Alex in the blonde's office

"What?" Did you uh, say something?"

"Olivia, is this how it's going to be?" Alex asks sadly as she rubs her eyes, the day's efforts catching up with her

"I'm sorry. My mind keeps drifting. This is hard"

Alex sighs, she had missed her best friend but she knew this wasn't going to be easy "Olivia, I can't imagine how hard this must be, okay. I don't know what I can do to help. Shall I transfer out for a while, I don't know, give you time to think? Should we limit contact?"

Olivia shakes her head "I don't think it's going to work Alex. I've not seen you for two days, and yet I was so nervous coming up here…"

"You nearly chickened out"

"Yeah, but Alex, when I saw you…I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I can't stop feeling this way, it's not going to change"

"I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault"

"I'm the one that turns you on" Alex candidly reminded the brunette

Olivia's mouth opened and closed before she shook her head "I should go"

"Liv"

"I don't know what to do Alex"

"Can we try and be friends? Can you just…I don't know put your feelings to one side and take care of your needs in the shower?"

"Alex!" Olivia blushed "That does not help"

"I'm sorry" Alex apologised again "Look Liv, I've had a long day and I really wanted to have a nice evening in front of the TV. How about you join me, we get take out, try and talk and see how it turns out?"

Olivia didn't want to say no but she wasn't sure it was a good idea. She was about o say so when she looked up and saw the hopeful look on the blonde's face.

"Okay, I'd like that"


End file.
